My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
