Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
