I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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