Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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