its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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