I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
