When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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