At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
