Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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