just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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