I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
