Im at strip club and am horny
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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