Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
