We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
