his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
