you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
