I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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