Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
