If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
