Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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