wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
