Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
