Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
