I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
