I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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