im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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