Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am naked and annoyed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
