I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
