I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
