I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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