you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
