I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
