oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
