I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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