Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
