I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
