I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
