Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
