So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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