you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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