it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
