its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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