Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
