i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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