I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
