u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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