Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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