I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
