he shaved USA in his pubs
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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