My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
