I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
