First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
