Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
