peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't turn off my feet"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
