Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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