OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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