...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
