he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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