I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
