Just fell off a train. Bad.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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